Fighting is never pleasant especially with your significant other. So it’s best if you have a plan before you have a problem. To begin with have an idea of what triggers arguments between you. If for example they occur often when you drink, then it might be best to discuss things when you aren’t drinking. Then it’s important to understand what your partner wants based on what he/she is saying.
The biggest problem between men and first fight in relationship women is communication. And the biggest problem with communication is not listening or hearing what the other person is saying. First there is how to listen. There are 3 ways to listen. One is I agree with what you’re saying, I’m right. Second is I disagree with you, I’m right. Or finally I don’t know and I’m open to what you’re saying. The third way is obviously the balanced way, and helps to prevent arguments.
Another thing to know is what a woman means when she says things. The only way to know is to ask, from a balanced position, which may be hard to do. The key is, are you willing to give up the need to win or be right? If you can do that you can look at the other person’s side of it, and more importantly, you can see what’s valid, and what’s not. If we can approach the dispute balanced, we will offer a safe place to find out what’s really bothering the people in our life.
Another way toward better communication is to check if what is being said is being heard. This is done with both parties asking for what they said to be repeated back by the other person. If the other person doesn’t get it, then repeat your statements, perhaps with different words to clarify your point. Again ask for a replay by your partner, until they received what you said. Try it both ways, with you repeating what they said. For example, “If I heard you right, you want so and so…” Try it and see how much more is actually understood, and communicated.
Understanding that we are human, that we have emotions, and that we can only control our own, will be the best we can do. If we try to understand the other person’s point of view and really listen to them, that’s often all that’s required.
John Seeley is President/CEO of Blue Moon Wonders and Heart Fire Seminars, which specialize in educational and personal growth workshops and products. John has been involved in personal growth & coaching since 1990. He works with individuals as well as business executives who have a commitment to making positive changes and awakening a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment in their lives and companies. John is a catalyst for change your life and has been in the lives of many people. Johns books Get Unstuck! The Simple Guide to Restart Your Life!, Get Unstuck! The Companion Workbook and his latest book, Get Unstuck in Relationships!, are showing people the steps to take to get their lives moving and create the life they really want. John has participated in various individual and group experiential trainings for the past 15 years. John, who holds an undergraduate degree in Business and a Masters Degree in Psychology, has overcome many obstacles to make his dreams come true. Today he spends much of his time showing others how to do the same.